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For a lot of men, gentleness is one of those words that makes them cringe.
It is often seen as unmanly. It can be interpreted as acting with a ‘woman’s demeanour’. There’s an encouragement, socially, towards aggressiveness in men, a conflation between anger and assertiveness. Gentleness is associated with meekness, womanhood, and a genuine lack of respectability: your voice won’t be heard if you don’t insist it be.
In my view, gentleness is simply the acknowledgement of another person’s sensitivities, fragilities, emotions and experiences. It’s an appreciation for the impact of words and tonality of voice. Gentleness is not about poor boundaries or low self-esteem. It’s not a call to stand around and be yelled at and humiliated. Instead, such responses might even help some situations avoid reaching that point. Very often, on the path of gentleness, you have to learn to not react immediately to comments that hurt or feel accusatory, you have to compartmentalize certain response, such as biting back and making the situation worse. You have to say, “Okay, I can see you’re very upset, but I don’t understand where this anger is coming from. Can you explain to me why you feel that way?” rather than “Don’t talk to me like that, you fucking dick!”
Gentleness, simply, is the way we respond to someone or something. It’s a means of communication…
