It’s a question that’s asked a lot. Sometimes it’s not even asked, but rather asserted as being true. Online many men seem to feel that dating is rigged in women’s favour, that all the heavy lifting is done by men and women simply soak up the validation that comes from being attractive. In its most extreme form, we see this taken to its limits with the incel community: where men bemoan their lack of attractiveness and their supposed genetic failure, raging misogynistically at women who have so “unfairly” overlooked them with their sexual shallowness. How true is the notion that women have an easy time in the dating world while men suffer with large bouts of loneliness, and go long periods without any sexual validation at all?
First thing is whether we mean ‘dating’ or simply ‘receiving attention’ as those two things are not the same. The onus of approach is primarily placed on men. A simple reality is this: women can actively choose not to seek out partners and still have options coming their way, men who don’t take the initiative are unlikely to have any real chances. There’s a lot more male ‘wizards’ (sexually inexperienced people over thirty) than there are female ones. For anxious and socially awkward men, this turns into a frustrating cycle. The desire to meet women is set against their struggles to communicate interest, and their discomfort with social settings…
